Posts tagged ‘Commencement’

Correction: NYU is Lamer Than Predicted

Remember that post where we speculated the NYU Class of 2008 Commencement Speaker would be Michael J. Fox? Well, that was more than we could’ve hoped for. Turns out Michael J. Fox is just receiving an honorary doctoral at the ceremony, and the real Commencement Speaker will be Harvard Law professor Laurence Tribe, according to Washington Square News. Um, what the fuck? Who? This is the lamest thing I’ve ever heard. What is this, some kind of scholarly institution? Anyone who poo-pooed the idea of Mikey J. speaking, please kiss my pinky ring in apology, because this is astronomically worse than any celebrity… even the lowest of the low, even David Spade.

For starters, I’m not a law student. I don’t have diddly to do with the law school and I likes it that way. This man, who presumably no one has heard of or gives a shit about, not counting law students, is gonna get up and talk about his experiences at Harvard which is just soooooo great and boy, if we had all gone to Harvard instead of being liberal arts-studying hippies, well, we’d be on our way to boring the hell out of a bunch of college seniors when we’re 60. So he wrote some books and was on some news shows. So what? Who hasn’t? I wrote five books this week already. And if I wanted to waste three hours of my life being unbearably bored, I’d… well, go to an NYU Commencement. Touche, NYU, touche… So thanks for choosing a commencement speaker that we all enjoy. Every law-studying one of us. Oh wait, did I say we all enjoy? I meant like 1 out of 500*.

This news made me want to weep like every other piece of news from NYU has made me want to weep: copiously, and while choking someone. Like when they tried to make me live in that tenement asylum known as 26th Street, or moved graduation from Washington Square Park to Yankee Stadium, or closed Upstein early on Friday for Shabbat. Why NYU?! Whyyyyyyy??!

*Not an actual figure. Even law students get bored. And I’m not sure they even attend this ceremony. Grand!

May 7, 2008 at 1:08 am 3 comments

OMG NYU News!

So for anyone graduating from NYU this May, you’re probably pissed that there’s still been no announcement about who the freakin’ commencement speakers are. (Only adding to how pissed you are that we can’t graduate in Washington Square Park, and instead will be enjoying the legendarily classy [peanut shells anyone?] atmosphere and of Yankee Stadium. Yay academics.) But hark! I have word, from a source, on who the speakers are. This source may not be particularly reliable, livejournal not being a trusted journalistic outlet, but it’s all I’ve got so let’s start some rumors.

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April 26, 2008 at 10:11 am 8 comments


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