Archive for September, 2009

100 Books in 100 Words #5: I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell by Tucker Max

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Tucker Max is a horrible human being, and his book is a “triumphant” anthology of all the fucked up shit he’s done. Tricking strippers, driving drunk, hating fat people and ridiculing anyone stupid enough to fuck him, Tucker Max has documented it all. Sometimes it’s funny. Other times horrifying.

The important thing is that he recognizes he’s awful, both as a writer and a person. Let Tucker Max serve as a caveat to our generation about the dangers of being nonchalant and removed, and how being casual and “too-cool” results in a loss of satisfaction and humanity. Plus, it’s silly.

Word Count: 100. Suck my dick, bitcheszzz

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September 29, 2009 at 9:29 am 1 comment

Patrick Fugit

 

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Picky with his choice of works, Patrick Fugit has appeared in a smattering of big films, my three faves being: Almost Famous, Saved!, and Wristcutters: A Love Story. All unique, all fucking awesome.

Rumor has it (coughwikipediacough), his mother owned a dance studio, which lead him to seriously study ballet. BADASS. Plus, his skateboarding skills were so good, the scriptwriters from Saved! turned his character into a skateboarder instead of a surfer. Cha ching. 

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LASTLY, he plays the guitar in his band “Mushman”. Look at how pensive he is, reposing on a shag couch in his parents basement. I might just have to break my “No Acoustic Guitar Players” rule for him. That’s right, Patrick Fugit. You are the exception.

And this is why:

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Yes.

September 25, 2009 at 7:11 am 3 comments

Jennifer’s Body

So I just saw Jennifer’s Body last night and I’m not really sure how I feel about it. I’m glad I saw it in a the theater, despite the fact that it was mostly empty, because you really need the shouting commentary of total strangers to emphasize the terrible/hilarious moments in the film.

For instance, when Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried have an inconsequential and fairly drawn-out makeout scene, at least one person shouted out, “She gay! She gay!” in a genuinely shocked and horrified voice. I’m pretty sure the only point of this scene was to make up for the fact that Megan Fox’s boobs are noticeably absent from the film, probably because she’s such a respectable actress who wants to be taken seriously for her acting skills and not her good looks and hot body, even though she is the titular character in a film called “Jennifer’s Body”.

So far she’s done a really great job of playing a self-absorbed, sort-of bitchy hot girl, and that takes talent. And I mean I heard Michael Bay has everyone audition by washing his car. I think that’s how Shia LaBoeuf got the role in Transformers too. That’s legit, right?

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September 23, 2009 at 11:18 am 5 comments

My Manicurist Doesn’t Speak English

…but she knows my name.  Welcome to New York.

Two weeks and two days ago, I moved to this city to persue my passion.  I don’t have one yet, but when I get one, I am sure that New York is the place to be when I get around to going after it.  In high school, I used to sit around with my drama club friends and chat shit about five of us renting a studio apartment and lining the floors with mattress after mattress so we would always have a place to sleep.  We thought NYC would be just like “RENT,” but hopefully sans deadly diseases, and also with more money.  That is to say, I have always held a romantic ideal of what it would be like to move to The Greatest City on Earth! and mostly, it lives up to the hype.048

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September 20, 2009 at 10:23 pm 6 comments

Joel McHale

I don’t know how we went this long without recognizing Joel McHale on here, but his skeet award is long overdue. I love this guy. If you’ve never watched The Soup, the show he hosts on E! which basically makes fun of everything else on television (including E!), you really should. Not only is McHale hilarious and good-looking, but he tends to dress in well-fitting black suits with black Converse. Be still my beating heart. He’s like a drier, more sarcastic Conan O’Brian who dresses up like Hannah Montana in the name of comedy. Or a male Chelsea Handler. And god knows I would do her too if given the chance.

The main thing that reminded me to give McHale his props is his new show, Community on NBC, just premiered the other night. I just watched it after DVRing it, and it’s got some real potential. So tune in people, we need as much Joel McHale face time on cable as possible. He’s also in the new Matt Damon movie, “The Informant” but I really couldn’t give a shit about that.

Plus he appears to love puppies and cupcakes. Massive points.

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September 19, 2009 at 5:30 pm 3 comments

100 Books in 100 Words #4: The Magicians by Lev Grossman

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An awesome combination of Harry Potter, The Chronicles of Narnia, and Lord of the Rings, The Magicians is basically what would happen if the four girls from Googly Eyes gained magical powers. The result? Even with the world at our feet, we STILL can’t stop bitching. Filled with satisfying amounts of drugs, sex, and self-consciousness, these teen magicians brandish their wands with a snarky, “Suck it!”

Naivete-free, savvy, and able to answer the logistical questions that come with every new fantasy book, The Magicians totally rocked my (non-magical) world. I read its 400 pages in 24 hours. A motherfucking +.

Word Count: 99 WORDS BITCHES

September 8, 2009 at 4:30 pm 2 comments

Aaron Yoo

So we’ve never had an asian skeet before (have we??). Therefore I think it is entirely appropriate to introduce Aaron Yoo of Disturbia, Rocket Science, Nick and Norah’s Infnite Playlist, The Wackness, and American Pastime fame:

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September 4, 2009 at 2:10 pm Leave a comment


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