LymeLife

May 3, 2009 at 5:00 pm 3 comments

I’m a firm supporter of the belief that, when you tell someone a good dream, it won’t come true. It doesnt have to be one you created in your sleep… Dreams of starting your own business, moving to another city, or becoming an astronaut fall under this category for me, too. Fuck, now I can never walk on the moon.

Inversely, when I am afraid of something really bad happening to me, I have a habit of telling everyone. It could be a bad grade on a test, a horrible date, an STD, whatever. What I’m trying to say is, by voicing my concerns, I am hoping to unjinx them. Should the news turn out to be not as dismal as I’d predicted, I end up looking like some horrible, anxiety ridden hypochondriac. And that’s totally ok. That’s my punishment for, in my weird way, begging to the gods that my future still be bright. I don’t care if I’m made a fool. At least it could mean I don’t have the clap.

Except…. In July of 2008, I got the worst bug bite of my life. It was, ironically enough, on my left butt cheek. I couldn’t sit properly for days, and it was hard enough trying to learn Spanish for “itch cream” at my local Harlem bodega. Little did I know that I didn’t have just any bug bite. I had the dreaded bullseye, the signature of a tick carrying lyme disease. After suffering from a slew of symptoms, a doctor recommended I get tested on Friday. Fuck. 

So, tell your friends, tell everyone you know, that I MAY HAVE LYME DISEASE. I don’t care. That way, if I don’t have it, I will look like a fool but be Lyme Disease free. And if I do, well, at least you’re ahead of the curve.

A breakdown of Lyme Disease pros and cons:

Cons:

Sucking

Being tired

Not thinking clearly

Having to explain it won’t turn you green

Having something in common with Timothy Hutton

Pros:

Having something in common with Timothy Hutton

Taking the “expecting mothers” parking spot with no shame

Having more metal in my blood than my retainer-filled mouth

I’m drawing a blank. I had some really good pros, but I forgot them already.

Let’s just hope my Western Blot tests are conclusive. If not, I’ll need a spinal tap. Somehow, I get the all the diseases.

Next week: Swine flu.

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Entry filed under: Fucking Crazy, Olivia. Tags: , , , , , , .

First of May My Favorite Video Right Now

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Betty  |  May 4, 2009 at 2:55 pm

    When do you find out? Also, we have to watch Spinal Tap.

    Reply
  • 2. Olivia  |  May 5, 2009 at 11:01 am

    FUCK YES I DONT HAVE LYME DISEASE AHHH!

    thank you, googly-eyes, for keeping me disease free!

    Reply
  • 3. ABailes  |  May 5, 2009 at 2:02 pm

    Hooooooooooraayyyy!

    Reply

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