Lady Product Review: The Kitchen-Aid Mixer

January 26, 2009 at 11:47 pm 3 comments

Okay so this isn’t specifically a “lady product” in the traditional sense, meaning, something that goes in or near your vagina. But, this is a product primarily used by ladies. Not that I’m saying men can’t or shouldn’t use a Kitchen-Aid Mixer, in fact, I’d like to see more men mixing things and making cakes and dinners instead of sitting in my living room, playing FIFA 09 online on the Xbox 360 I bought him and yelling into his headset. What? I mean… gender equality, yeah…

All gender roles aside, this mixer is pretty fab-u-lous. Mine is white. So what? You want to fight about it?! As cool as it would’ve been to get a chartreuse kitchen appliance, that’s just hard to justify, considering you never know when you’ll move or when you’ll want to re-decorate your kitchen, and by god, you don’t want to be stuck with some out of place, tastelessly-colored mixer. Is there anything worse!?! Yes, lots of things, but I figured getting the white one would help me avoid the whole conundrum altogether.

The first thing I made with my mixer was some muffins out of a box mix, after two dudes desperately implored me to turn the thing on and demonstrate it’s rocket-like mixing power. The muffins were delicious. Since then I’ve also made bread and pizza crust, both with the minimal amount of effort needed for such normally laborious and time-consuming baked goods. Hand kneading is a thing of the past, ladies! Nevermind the fact that no one has made their own bread since you could buy it off a frickin’ shelf at the grocery store, and this is a problem that no one has considered since about 1890…

Another great thing about the Kitchen-Aid Mixer is that there about a dozen different attachments and accessories for it, from meat grinders to pasta rollers. No fucking joke, you can make your own sausage with this thing. All you need is the meat grinder attachment, the sausage stuffing attachment, some intestinal casing, a shit-load of time, and voila! So much easier than just going to the store and buying sausage, eh? Alright well my point is that it CAN be done. 

So basically this product offers you 1) an array of attractive color options, 2) a motor that could mix cement, 3) attachments out the ass, and 4) durability (or so I’m told.) Though for the price of around $300 the damn thing better last you for generations (another reason why neutral colors are a good choice – longevity.)

With the Kitchen-Aid Mixer, being unemployed isn’t so depressing. I can find recipes and bake shit by the barrelful to fill up my otherwise lonely and depressing days of uselessness between jobs, and live out my dream of one day being a stay-at-home trophy wife.


Entry filed under: Alison, Miscellaneous Musings. Tags: , , .

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3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. neekaps  |  January 27, 2009 at 1:10 pm

    ok now someone needs to do a post about their favorite grip items.

  • 2. parkrangerolivia  |  January 27, 2009 at 11:20 pm

    i dont think this is a lady product. like you said, lp’s are all about vag action. a lot of dudes have this, in non gay colors like white. yellow, on the other hand..

  • 3. alisaurus  |  January 27, 2009 at 11:38 pm

    yeah i know it’s not a lady product but i wanted to give the illusion of a recurring feature. truth be told, there aren’t that many bonafide (lol boner) lady products out there. okay so maybe there are, but im just not willing to spend money on them to review them for this blog.


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