Things That Make Me Cringe

December 6, 2008 at 8:58 pm 4 comments

Whoa, WordPress looks different. Give me a second to get my bearings…

So I kind of hate the word “cringeworthy,” because it was totally made up crappy lady magazines, even though it’s sometimes the only word to describe a situation. I feel like I’ve been cringing a lot lately, but maybe it’s just the holiday season. Here are some things that are give me that grimacing feeling:


1) Seeing people who have tied their hair back with a standard rubber band. With everything we know about how rubber bands damage your hair, and the immense scientific strides we’ve made in the field of hair styling, why would you do this to yourself?! I can hear your ponytail screaming, dying to be let down and longing desperately for the scrunchies of yore. The ironic thing is, I often find myself substituting hair bands for rubber bands in many office situations or when I need to securely close a bag of chips, because who on earth BUYS rubber bands? Do yourself a favor, splurge on the $2.95 pack of 900 “no-snag” hair bands at Duane Reade. Your hair will thank you.

2) People dry humping in public. Or people who you know are about 30 seconds away from it. I was heading into work the other morning, when this couple stopped in front of the entrance to my building and started hard-core making out for like 5 minutes. At 9:30 in the fucking morning. Yeah, that’s sweet and all, but save your unabashed horniness for a more appropriate time than when we’re all trudging into work wishing we were dead.

3) Commercials with songs/jingles. Because they are always terrible and my boyfriend always starts singing them four seconds after they end, and again as we’re getting into bed. 

4) Surface piercings. Why? Why why why why why why why?!

5) Sick puppies. I spend way too much time on petfinder.com, because I am obsessed with adopting the perfect dog. What I find more often than the perfect dog, however, is lots of stories about poor little dogs or puppies who are sick with some terrible affliction and in desperate need of help. I won’t go into detail because I don’t want to be a downer, but oftentimes when I leave this website I am critically depressed and on the verge of tears. I want to adopt you all and I wish that I could!! (If you want to do something good, go to that website and see if you can donate to or sponsor an animal in need.)

6) Flats in winter. Yeah they look cute, but how much is cute worth when your feet are fucking freezing and you’ve got blisters the size of quarters on the tops of your feet?

7 ) The dumb girl I sit next to at work. Some people should just never, ever talk.

8 ) Proposed bailout for America’s auto-industry. These people can suck it. Yeah, if they go bankrupt a lot of people will lose their jobs, but I’m sure the thought of this scares the CEOs more than anyone. After all, they’ve been laying people off for years to outsource their jobs to third-world countries in an effort to cut costs when they didn’t need to, and put all the extra money in their own pockets. The little guy has been getting shit on by the Big Three for over a decade, not to mention these companies make crappy cars that are too big, not fuel efficient, and generally unable to compete with foreign competitors. So, as the free capitalist market deems, if you can’t compete, tough shit, you’re out. Stop asking Big Brother to bail your ass out when you knew you needed to fix things years ago, yet you refused to because you’re greedy sons of bitches. If the U.S. Government (under Bush, mind you) bails them out, not only is it another example of the “Socialism” everyone is accusing Obama of (he’s not even in office yet!) but taxpayers will be paying for it for years to come. Sorry guys, that’s free market for you. 

9) Getting a bikini wax. Yeah I do it voluntarily, and yeah I love the way it feels afterward, but damn. No matter how many times you do it, having hot hot wax poured all over your bits and then ripped off by an old Russian woman just never stops hurting.

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Entry filed under: Alison, You Know What Really G's My G?. Tags: , , , .

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4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. A Bailes  |  December 6, 2008 at 11:20 pm

    wtf?
    “food stamps and government benefits can be used for zucchini and frozen broccoli just as much as it can be used for off-brand cheese curls, so that’s not even a great excuse.”

    …horrifying…just…horrifying.

    You should be ashamed. Really. I’m actually disgusted right now. What a downright ignorant and stupid thing to say. It’s posts like this that gave me my initial aversion to blogging and web-posts (during the high-school days of livejournal). I thought I’d give it a try only ’cause Olivia’s one of the most awesomely opinionated girls I know. Have fun quibbling about bikini waxes and why obese poor children make you cringe.

    P.S. I ain’t comin back so reply what you want.

    – Andrew “fatty-4-life” Bailey

    Reply
  • 2. alisaurus  |  December 7, 2008 at 12:48 am

    I’m just saying that parents should make it a priority to buy healthy food for their kids, and I wasn’t being sarcastic or ignorant when I said that. I live in a community where there are a lot of people who use government benefits, and while I realize that a lot of low-income families end up purchasing nutritionally vacuous foods because they are more affordable, I’m saying legitimately that they can still buy products that are healthy and cheap, like frozen or canned veggies. I’m just trying to make the point, that while people who are struggling financially often seem doomed to consume low-quality, low-priced food, government benefits apply to anything in the grocery store, though obviously people in all economic strata are guilty of making poor food choices for themselves and their children, it’s not limited to any one income bracket. Basically I was just trying to pre-damage control comments I imagined saying, “Hey some people can’t afford to go to Whole Foods!” and it came out wrong. And yeah, some kids are pre-disposed to be bigger, or have health problems. And yeah, there should probably be more education for people on the subject of nutrition, especially for kids, and no doubt school lunches could stand for some extreme improvement. I was just trying to say I get upset (not disgusted or horrified, but genuinely saddened) when I see children who are obese because they have no control over it, and I feel really sad that they will probably be subject to the effects as they grow. It has nothing to do with their economic status, and I’m not cringing at THEM, I’m cringing at the sad fact that many people are forced into this sort of life because either they don’t have the ability to make good choices, for whatever reason, financially or because they’re a child, and because there’s not a lot they can do to help themselves. And because it’s such an epidemic in the U.S., and while many people complain and blame fast food companies, it doesn’t seem like major strides are being made to improve the situation. Okay, this point was made within a list of other points that were mostly intended to be humorous and exaggerated, and perhaps I phrased it poorly, so I can see why it might seem like I’m making fun of the issue, but it is something that I’m serious about. I’m sorry if I offended you, but I honestly was not meaning to be malicious, ignorant, sarcastic or judgemental in any way, so I’ve removed it to prevent any further misunderstanding.

    Reply
  • 3. Betty  |  December 7, 2008 at 1:16 am

    I’m not sure about food stamps, but I know WIC coupons are only for things like milk, cheese, eggs, and vegetables, so it’s good that the government is definitely encouraging nutrition in that way. I think you have a fair point, though, in saying that poor nutrition is definitely more prevalent in the lower classes, not just because of poor education (although that’s definitely part of it), but because if you’ve got a single mom working two jobs, it’s incredibly hard to summon the energy to make a square meal for their kids, and much cheaper to fill up their tummies with Taco Bell or something else totally bereft of nutrition, but which is affordable. There is a lot broken in the whole system.

    I hope you come back, A Bailes, because Alison is a classy lady all the way, and your comments are always good.

    Reply
  • 4. parkrangerolivia  |  December 7, 2008 at 12:26 pm

    On an unrelated note, you forgot people who swing their arm really wide when they waddle down the street and hit you in the stomach.

    Reply

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