Girl on Girl Crime, and What You Can Do To Stop It

November 18, 2008 at 11:44 pm 7 comments

I feel like this is something I encounter on a regular basis. A girl friend, or even acquaintance, faced with some kind of decision along the lines of, “Should I hook up with this guy, even though he has a girlfriend?” Or in the most recent instance, a co-worker telling me the hilaaaarious story of how she and her boyfriend came to be, and how it comedically involved another girl getting cheated on. Did I mention my co-worker is blonde? But I guess that’s not important…

When faced with the question, “Should I hook up with this guy who is attached?” my answer is no. Always. No. No you should not. Do you know why? Because you are totally fucking over another girl, and that ain’t cool. It doesn’t matter if she’s a bitch, or if she’s ugly, or if you saw her in a bar once and she gave you the stink eye, she’s a fellow girl and that could so easily be you on her end. And may I mention that hey, isn’t it convenient for the guy to be fooling around with you whilst he’s got another girl waiting at the ready to satisfy his other needs, emotional and sandwich-related? And the guy will give you lines like, “We were breaking up anyway,” or tell you some sad story about how she’s cold or mean or drove him to other women. And while this is probably bullshit, even if it were true, that’s absolutely no grounds for cheating. It’s an excuse, and a pathetic one at that, to get into multiple pairs of panties and just plain disrespect women. If this guy was any kind of decent, he’d have the balls to end his relationship before fucking around with other girls in any capacity. You have no idea what goes on or went on between this guy and his girlfriend, and for all you know, he’s an abusive, cheating (well obviously), asshole who takes advantage of her and stabbed her dog with a Samurai sword. Lord knows you don’t need that. Again.

I feel qualified to supply this advice because I was once that girl that got cheated on, and despite the fact that my relationship at the time was on its last leg, it didn’t hurt any less because of that. Being cheated on by someone, especially when you’ve been dating for a really long time, is like being completely shit on. By a hobo. I found out my boyfriend of five and a half years was cheating on me when some anonymous stranger IMed me to ask if I was said cheater’s girlfriend, and then to report that she had observed some questionable behavior between him and some other girl. I immediately called to see what was up, giving him the benefit of the doubt, as you would with someone who you trust more than anything, at which point he just plain couldn’t deny it. So that’s how it all went down. I screamed and cursed and called him a piece of shit, and he cried like a cowardly little bitch and nearly vomited. But that’s water under the bridge and I am in no way bitter. But not only was my boyfriend at the time at fault for being a scummy dickweed, the girl who fooled around with him was complicit – she knew he had a girlfriend which was obvious by his facebook profile, where she had the gall to leave flirtatious comments while we were still together. Why would you do that to another girl? (I’m pretty sure that he later cheated on her, just to reinforce the idea that everything comes back to you. Karma, man, karma.)

So that’s why you shouldn’t fool around with guys who have girlfriends. Another reason? He’s probably got crabs. Also – there are TONS of really good, decent guys who would love to fool around with you and aren’t in a relationship. This is like the dilemma between buying a puppy from the pet store or rescuing one from a shelter. Buying from the pet shop is completely indulgent and probably supporting shady dealings like puppy mills, while rescuing is like giving a perfectly good, sweet, lovable dog a second chance. Messing with attached dudes is disrespectful – to you (aren’t you worthy of his attention? You’re not some gutter whore, simply there to provide him with cheap easy thrills, and you deserve better!) and the other girl, who is no doubt wondering where the fuck her man is at (pardon my preposition). The sad thing is, this kind of girl on girl crime often leads girls to hate on each other, rather than that bastard who did it all knowingly. So please, don’t be a part of that. And in a preemptive statement against thoughts or comments in which people assume I am a lesbian or a man-hating feminist or Peppermint Patty from Peanuts: I am straight and in a relationship with a dude, and do not hate men (just scuzzy, cheating, Jude Law types.) And of course this whole logic and argument doesn’t apply to people in “open relationships,” whatever the fuck those are. (Isn’t that sort of like being a vegetarian that eats meat? You’re not fooling anyone!!) If everyone is cool with everyone fucking everyone else, then by all means.

Of course there are situations where a guy will lie to you or mislead you intentionally, saying that he’s single, in which case you can’t be held accountable if you are in fact the homewrecker. But, once you do learn the truth, you should be strong enough to walk away from this lying sack of crap and wash your hands very, very well (I recommend Bath & Body Works antibacterial soap in “Peppermint Twist.” Mmm, refreshing!) In the end, everyone gets what they deserve and reaps what they sow. This can be evidenced in the fact that my ex-boyfriend has gotten fat. Living well really is the best revenge, mwahahaha! (P.S. I love parentheses.)


Entry filed under: Alison, Sex Sex Sex. Tags: , , , .

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7 Comments Add your own

  • 1. rockinmuse  |  November 19, 2008 at 1:34 am

    I love your post! I have been dealing with this very thing in the last 6 weeks. I lost my mind totally for a bit there. I think the entire month of October every blog post was related to dealing with being cheated on.

    It is very ugly (cheating and my blog) Ha! So thank you for saying what I have been saying for over a month now. It is wrong, dirty and raw as hell.

    I will keep reading.

  • 2. alisaurus  |  November 19, 2008 at 10:00 am

    thanks so much for your support!!

  • 3. Betty  |  November 19, 2008 at 10:36 am

    In this same vein, I just read that Ashley Alexander Dupre just told Eliot Spitzer’s wife that she’s “sorry for her pain”. I mean, it’s not Dupre’s fault, but there’s no point in saying anything like that, right? It just sounds condescending.

  • 4. parkrangerolivia  |  November 19, 2008 at 12:49 pm

    What ever happened to the whole “only care about his girlfriend as much as he cares about his girlfriend” dictum?

    Plus, in the event that he does indeed not give a crap, can you just use them the same way he’s using you?

    So clearly we’re arguing for different sides based on life experience, but if you’re not looking for honesty or a relationship, then why adhere to someone else’s one-night-stand’s morals?

  • 5. alisaurus  |  November 19, 2008 at 12:56 pm

    I don’t know where you got this “only care about his girlfriend as much as HE cares about his girlfriend” thing. I would never adhere to that, because obviously, the guy is a dickweed for being in a “relationship” he doesn’t care about. Even if you don’t care about the guy or are just looking for a fling, it’s still really hurtful to someone else who DOES care about the guy for some odd reason. Imagine yourself in their shoes. Please see puppy store vs. animal shelter analogy; adopt a single guy to fool around with.
    And yeah, this doesn’t really apply to people who are prostitutes by trade. Then it’s just business. And I think any homewrecker who inserts themselves into their man-toy’s personal life is condescending, and probably cruising for a bruising. I would advise damage control and just walking away from the whole thing, because even if you did apologize, it’s not like the other woman will be like, “Oh that’s okay! Let’s be friends!”

  • 6. Tom  |  November 19, 2008 at 1:41 pm

    Wow nice post. I need to figure a way to send this to a lady without implying she should fool around with me. That’s only slightly the case anyhow.

  • 7. Betty  |  November 19, 2008 at 1:50 pm

    Yeah, if you adhere to that rule, you’re just as big a dick as he is. You have that right, obviously, but it’s still a dick move, and you have to take responsibility for that.

    As far as using him if he doesn’t care, fine, if neither of you have emotional responsibility to one another, that’s your deal. The point in this situation, though, is that there is another person with feelings which ARE caught up in the mess. Make your own rules for a one night stand, fine, but if you’re aware that this guy has a girlfriend, you are responsible for what you’re doing to her. Not to mention that that’s kind of totally icky, biologically speaking. You can argue that he’d cheat anyway, and it just happens to be with you, but as soon as you have that knowledge, you’re culpable.


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