VP Debate: Not Live-Blogging, But Live-Blagging

October 2, 2008 at 11:06 pm 3 comments

So I just watched the VP debate and would’ve been “live-blogging” during it, expressing my outrage in real time, but I have a desktop computer that’s in another room than my TV. Obviously, no one on this site is a Sarah Palin fan and this debate wasn’t going to do anything to change my mind – in fact, I was greatly looking forward to it in anticipation of her crashing and burning. But anyway, I don’t want to make this too long because I’ll probably end up repeating myself and barfing all over my shoes, but let me share the general overtone of this event with the following video, if you didn’t catch it live.

I swear to God, this skit was so completely accurate, almost frighteningly so. But for me, Palin doesn’t become “adorable” on-camera so much as she becomes a “deceitful cunt.” (Jon’s reaction to Sarah Palin? “She keeps lying!” Why is it okay for this woman to lie?! Is it because she’s attractive? Why isn’t anyone fact-checking this shit?! Anyone with the internet and opposable thumbs can Google her and find out that her record is chock full of instances involving unethical firings, excessive spending, and insane beliefs involving the secession of Alaska, witch doctors, and the existence of dinosaurs!!) Or maybe she’s just been misinformed. Her blatant pandering to the American public (“average Joes and working moms”) was deplorable and disgusting, considering none of her stances would benefit the very people she is trying to persuade (or, “fool,” if you will.)

Biden repeatedly corrected her when she made statements regarding Obama’s voting record, and in many instances, added that John McCain voted the same way as Obama when she criticized him. This woman is running for vice president and repeatedly used phrases like, “Goshdarnit!” “well Heck!” and “Don’tchaknow”. This isn’t an episode of Bobby’s World, it’s a race for the White House. Not to mention the fact that she addressed Americans as “Joe Sixpack” (I assume that refers to his beverage of choice, not the condition of his abs) and “Hockey Moms.” I’m pretty sure that Joe Sixpack wasn’t watching the debate, if we can presume that some sports game was on or a re-run of “Two and A Half Men,” while ALL the Hockey Moms in the U.S. (all, like, 200 of them… in Alaska) were probably watching Jimmy knock his brother’s teeth out on the ice. And do we want these people with their fingers on the button anyway? 

Biden makes the excellent point that McCain’s policies aren’t really different from Bush’s, and Palin had a hard time refuting this. And let’s see here… Bush has gotten us into a really great place. The economy is a shitshow, we’re in a neverending, unwinnable war, millions of Americans are living without healthcare, kids can’t even afford $1.45 school lunches, if they can even get admitted to a public school that isn’t overcrowded, etc… For all of John McCain’s “straight-talk, maverick” bullshit, I have yet to hear how he is going to fix complete disaster that is America right now. He talks a lot about “change,” but I’m not sure he’s familiar with the definition, i.e., something different. Everything he’s proposing is what we’ve already got, and in the words of Judge Judy, don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining. His ideas are new in the same way New Coke was new, in that, it was the same thing only kind of shittier and marketed in the hopes that stupid people would buy it. Miss Alaska Beauty Queen is hardly the answer either. Together, they will destroy the environment with off-shore drilling that won’t really even do that much to alleviate the energy crisis, help the rich become richer, and make sure any son of a bitch country that looks at us sideways gets a healthy dose of bombing up their ass.

Palin even had the gall to refer to raising taxes as “unpatriotic,” even though Biden/Obama only propose raising taxes for those who make over $250,000/year to no more than what they paid under the Reagan administration, and allowing a tax cut for everyone else (the middle class.) Palin acts like raising taxes is the same as robbing people – I wonder if she understands the point of taxes? It’s for all the stupid shit the government is “overspending” on, you know, like education, clean energy technology, bridges and roads, hurricane relief, state and federal assistance for the poor, healthcare, all that dumb crap. Who needs it! Well, probably the middle class once they get kicked out of their homes because of the Wall Street meltdown. Meanwhile, Palin is at home in Alaska requesting “millions of federal dollars for everything from improving recreational halibut fishing to studying the mating habits of crabs and the DNA of harbor seals.” Really? Really?!! Crab research! Finally! I was sitting here making a tourniquet and dressing my own wounds because I can’t afford to go to a hospital and just dying to know how crabs fuck. Thanks Governor Palin! Now I can sleep at night.

And wait, here’s their genius plan for solving the healthcare crisis: everyone gets a $5,000 tax credit! Wow, $5,000. That’ll cover you for like… 6 months? Many healthcare plans cost around $800 a month to purchase on the market out of pocket, and that’s for coverage of a single person. Nevermind families, I don’t even want to know what that costs, but I can tell you $5,000 is gonna do jack shit. AND they want to tax employers’ healthcare plans, which will result in a ton of people getting dropped, and/or their rates skyrocketing. I don’t know how we can still be in Iraq reconstructing their government when the United States is sinking to a state beyond repair, in terms of healthcare, education, unemployment and an economy on the verge of depression. If I kept on detailing everything that’s wrong with the McCain/Palin ticket (energy, the war, their stance on corruption and overspending [in that, they love to do it and act like they’re opposing it], everything), I would be here all fuckin’ night, and I just can’t relive the horror that goes along with imagining these two with their fingers on the button. Their fingers on the button!! For God’s sake!!

Palin rarely answered the questions she was asked in a straight-forward way, despite her advocacy of “straight-talk” and continually winked into the camera and actually delivered a “shoutout” to her brother’s third grade class. This isn’t TRL. In my opinon, Biden totally schooled Palin in this debate, and I hope the majority of Americans are able to see through Palin’s cheap veneer of MaryKay foundation and total bullshit.


Entry filed under: Alison, Politics Palace. Tags: , , .

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3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Caitlin  |  October 3, 2008 at 10:59 am

    I heart you

  • 2. Betty  |  October 3, 2008 at 1:44 pm

    The thing I hate the most about Palin isn’t that she might become VP or, god forbid, PotUS, but the cynicism and disrespect the McCain campaign display in their pick of her. They obviously don’t think she’s actually qualified, which is why they hid her from reporters for so long, but they DO think the American public is stupid enough to be won over by some moose-killing hick who’s actually a millionaire. They were right, for a while. Her numbers are dropping though, fortunately.

    I think I’m passing through the stages of grief with this election. Where before I felt rage, now I just feel a deep, numbing depression at the state of the country. What really gets to me are the people who are so painfully uninformed as to still be “undecided”. At least have the conviction of your idiocy, people. Sigh. I need to drink.

  • 3. Jude  |  October 6, 2008 at 1:26 pm

    This is hilarious. The crab sex studies thing anyway…

    Though, I believe I understand it… They’re doing their best to understand the mating habits of all animals so that, in the future, they can push abstinence-only education on them, too.


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