This Just In: Ironic Mustaches No Longer Ironic

October 2, 2008 at 7:22 pm 4 comments

Or perhaps, they never were, according to this post regarding facial hair that is grown as a means of being sarcastic, campy, kitschy, or just stupid. The article basically just outlines the point that “ironic” is the improper term to refer to super-aware facial hair.

But I guess if you grew the mustache knowing it was stupid, and grew it anyway as some kind of a comment on how cool you are (so cool that you can wear an ugly or stupid mustache, or sideburns combo) isn’t that kind of ironic? has several definitions for “irony,” among them “an outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected.” So, of course no one would expect a 23-year old guy that works at MTV to have an old-timey handlebar mustache, and hey! Isn’t it original when he does?! He’s totally contradicting everything society expects of him! He’s not a barber shop singer from the 1920s or 30s, yet he’s got this mustache! Wow! Is that… Is that wax on the tips? Does he style his mustache? He’s really committed to that ‘stache.

Frankly I don’t think these are all that original, or they aren’t anymore, especially amongst the young hipsters of New York considering I saw two different guys who worked in my building (in one week!) with the same silly “sarcastic” mustache and “quirky” fedora. Not attractive, even in a silly way. I didn’t like them when The Killers busted them out with their second album, and I don’t like them now. And don’t try to act like you grew (and maintain!) that thing for any reason other than how “funny” you and your friends think it is. Your personality must be pretty weak if you’re using facial hair to speak for you. And by “pretty weak” I mean “on par with a old pickle,” by which I mean, “salty, smelly, and slimy.” You’re no better than the guys with ironic mohawks from five years ago. No one is gonna believe that the mustache “keeps your face warm” or “pleasures women” or “acts as a means of straining soup.” Nice try, but I don’t buy it.


Entry filed under: Alison, Miscellaneous Musings. Tags: , , , .

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4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Pedro  |  October 2, 2008 at 10:26 pm

    I’d really like to know what a quirky fedora looks like!

  • 2. parkrangerolivia  |  October 2, 2008 at 10:30 pm

    Just hop on the L train, pedro. Forced quirkiness abounds.

    However, I wish I had a colander-like mustache.

  • 3. Pedro  |  October 3, 2008 at 12:13 am

    Every man secretly wishes he could have a Tom Selleck mustache.

    Even Indiana Jones. Or especially?

  • 4. horatiohno  |  October 4, 2008 at 8:17 am

    Oh, man, I agree so much with this. A new guy has started in work, and he’s got a waxed handlebar moustache. He graduated last year, but I think he’s had it for a while before that. He has absolutely no chat in the slightest, and gives off this air of “Aren’t you going to ask me about my facial hair choices?” desperation. I want to shave it. With a meat cleaver.


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