How to Inject a Music Video With Meaning (cheap!)

August 27, 2008 at 12:50 am 7 comments

I’ve seen it happen one too many times. A bunch of spoiled and bratty band members, probably sitting around some mahogany board room desk, fiddling with the levers on their leather rolly chairs. They stop spinning for a minute to get to the task at hand: Their next music video.

“Dudes, I like, want this video to be real man. Raw.
“Yeah brosef, how can we like, show the world how serious we are? Like, we’re… serious musicians!”

Enter War Footage/Music Video.

Cheaper than having an actual plot or concept to your short film, archival footage has long been used (and abused), as a way to spice up a simple performance video for many bands currently out there. Here’s the breakdown:
First, you film the band playing the song. Over. And over. And over again, but from a different angle! Like an MTV interview, this shit must be filmed from every conceivable point of view. This allows you to fake variety without spending too much of the record label’s cash.

Then, the band leaves. That’s right. In a performance video, all the band has to do is, well, perform. That’s another incentive to make a War Footage video: the band pretty much does nothing.

Finally, the editors and director sift through thousands and thousands of controversial clips that show the American Struggle. War footage such as soldiers being led away on stretchers, military funerals, and crying parents lay the foundation for this heavy handed flick. What? You don’t like the video? Clearly, you’re un-American, you fucking terrorist. That’s what you are now. A terrorist.

Does Kid Rock even know what country this is? Or continent, for that matter?

Of course, we don’t have to limit the footage just to war. A lot can be said with stills of peaceful protestors being assaulted, hungry third world children, and America’s poor. What? You don’t like this either? Well that’s because you’re an anti-freedom facist, clearly.

Linkin Park: Strong Opponents of Elephant Poaching, but great supporters of pretentious douchebaggery.

Yeah, but YOU don't Daughtry. In fact, you probably live in LA. So leave your bold font and fuck off to your condo.


What I think really irks me about all of these archival-abusing videos is that the bands think they are “saying something” to their audience. It’s unfortunate, because many of these proponents don’t really set an example in the appropriate arenas. Where is Linkin Park at the Democratic Convention? Kid Rock, shit man, do you even vote? And don’t get me started on Daughtry. That is the most pretentious powerpoint presentation I have seen in a long time. If the artist is so concerned with the issues that are presented in their music videos, then why won’t they advocate these causes in places other than VH1?

I think, however, that the video that takes the cake is, hands down, Three Doors Down “Citizen Soldier”. Not only is this band hugely crappy, but they sold out in equally gigantic proportions. Deciding to sign with the fucking US Coast Guard, they were one of the first bands to turn their music video not just into a commercial for themselves as artists, but for another beast entirely.

I’m not even going to bother linking these pieces of moving filth. 

Stay tuned for next week’s breakdown of stereotypical action trailers!


Entry filed under: Aspect Fellatio, Olivia. Tags: , , , , , .

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7 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Betty  |  August 27, 2008 at 1:26 pm

    Before I even read what you wrote about that 3 Doors Down video, I recognized the “Army of One” font. Hopefully the fact that 3 Doors Down REALLY SUCKS will help counteract the shameless propoganda influence on young kids. We need more “Give Peace A Chance” and less Toby Keith, I think.

    It’s just like the time Bart Simpson was in the boy band and their single was Yvan Eht Nioj!

  • 2. Betty's Dad  |  August 27, 2008 at 5:04 pm

    First of all, in the Kid Rock video, judging by the still image, it looks like the soldier is teaching those kids a useful trade. Good for him. Also, does anyone remember the Simpsons boy band subliminal message video? None of these other bands come close to that!

  • 3. Betty  |  August 27, 2008 at 6:18 pm

    I thought he was giving them candy!

    And dad, way to totally NOT read the last sentence of my comment! You never listen to me!
    [runs to room crying, slams door]

  • 4. alisaurus  |  August 27, 2008 at 9:32 pm

    who wrote this post? tag yourselves god dammit!

  • 5. parkrangerolivia  |  August 28, 2008 at 12:23 am

    yeah, SERIOUSLY Mr. G. Now I really want to see that episode, though.

  • 6. neekaps  |  August 28, 2008 at 9:56 am

    In response to:

    Does Kid Rock even know what country this is? Or continent, for that matter?

    I think Kid Rock knows what fake boobs are, and where Michigan is.

    I like Linkin Park.

    Great, thought provoking post Olivia, although I can’t even watch these video clips because I’m afraid I’ll be ill.

  • 7. parkrangerolivia  |  August 28, 2008 at 5:09 pm

    understandable katia, understandable.


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