Ugliest Scoop of Ice Cream (Azz Cream)

August 24, 2008 at 1:23 am 9 comments


 A question to consider before reading this:

If he could go back in time, do you ever think that Thomas Edison would get an image of a light bulb, his invention, tattooed on his _______?

 This is the story:

Today on the L, I sat across from overweight woman with a purple birth mark on her face. To add to her misfortune, the woman had a tattoo of an ice cream scooper on her left forearm.

I don’t mean to be unkind, but in this case, I must be.

An ice cream scooper? N. B (Nervous Breakdown)?

Imagine if someone asked her the significance of her tattoo.


Why did you get a tattoo of an ice cream cone scooper?

I, myself, have thought about the answer to this question and the only legitimate answers I would accept from unfortunate lady with the tattoo are as follows:

I’m a hopeless meth addict with no taste

I was forced to get this tattoo against my will because my son was kidnapped and the branding of this tattoo on my arm was penance for his release.

My mother/father/ sister/ brother owned a mom and pop ice cream store and he/she recently died of cancer. 

Ice cream is my only pleasure in life, it keeps me from suicide ( I don’t even think this is a good enough reason.)

I invented the ice cream scooper and it saved my family from poverty or helped my pay  for my  _______ (insert family member)’s hospital bills/ college education.

overall, disgusted.


Entry filed under: Katie, Miscellaneous Musings.

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9 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Melancholic Goat  |  August 24, 2008 at 5:02 am

    If you didn’t actually ask her, you don’t know whether you’d have got one of those answers or not. You might well have. Don’t be so quick to judge.

  • 2. alisaurus  |  August 24, 2008 at 9:27 am

    Jeez, we have a lot of cranky commentors lately. What is this site if not a bunch of bitching and moaning from NYU-produced white girls? Where’s the love, people? Anyway, I think this would make a hilarious short film, in which inquiring person imagines all the different circumstances that would lead to such a tattoo. Let’s get Gondry involved.

  • 3. neekaps  |  August 24, 2008 at 11:25 am

    Melancholic Goat-
    You sound pretty melancholic. I do respect your sympathy, but I also know an ugly tattoo when I see one.

  • 4. Michael Mitchley  |  August 24, 2008 at 5:04 pm

    Tattoos are awkward. On the one hand, its a permanent feature of someone’s body that they (hopefully) have given a lot of thought to, and (presumably) it means a lot to them. On the other hand, you have MR COOL ICE, and your ice cream scoop lady who really make it hard to be nice.

  • 5. Betty  |  August 25, 2008 at 12:05 am

    I think all Goat’s getting at is that you can critique a tattoo without critiquing the person- bringing up her weight or her birthmark is a little over the line, maybe? Also, I like to imagine that she’s just a fan of the Surrealist movement and has a good sense of humor. Why NOT an ice cream scoop?

  • 6. neekaps  |  August 25, 2008 at 6:44 pm

    I just reserve the right to be honest.

    I feel like my description of this woman was understated; in fact, I was more gentle on the woman’s appearance than I could have been. Talking about the birthmark and the almost obesity was just exposition if not anything else.

    But overall , yes, this entry was about the tattoo, not her looks. And grappling with my dumbfounds about inking a scooper to a body.

  • 7. Betty  |  August 25, 2008 at 11:59 pm

    My mom emailed me that she wanted to comment on this but was too embarrassed to post it. Here’s what she was going to say:

    “Are you sure the tattoo was an ice cream scoop? It looks rather phallic to me. Maybe she designs artificial ‘limbs’.”

  • 8. neekaps  |  August 26, 2008 at 9:00 am

    It was a hybrid between an ice cream cone scooper and that part in cappuccino machine where the espresso grounds go!

  • 9. alisaurus  |  August 26, 2008 at 4:41 pm

    maybe it wasn’t even an ice cream scoop. because why wouldn’t you just get a tattoo of ice cream? it’s much cuter and prettier than the scoop. maybe she’s a coroner and it was a brain scooper-outer. or maybe she’s a lunchlady and it was a mashed potato scoop (TOTALLY different than an ice cream scoop). i love all this speculation and the repeated use of the word “scoop”.


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