Movie Meterology: Late Summer/Early Fall Edition

July 18, 2008 at 12:15 pm 2 comments

So it’s already mid-July, and I don’t know how that happened. But so far, it seems that all my predictions from the last edition were correct. I went to see Wall-E on opening night and it was fantastic, and I didn’t bother to even remember the names of the other films because I stand firm in my opinion that they look, and therefore must be, horrible. With the exception of the Batman film which premiered last night at midnight, which I would like to see, but probably won’t be able to until the frenzy of out-sold shows dies down.

Anyway, the summer is almost coming to an end (gasp!) and if I were still in school, this would mean, back to school. Obviously. And with “back to school” comes a re-awakening of those pesky cells housed up in your skull meant for thinking and not just absorbing insane action sequences and Angelina Jolie’s breasts. Hopefully, this season’s movies will be a little more thought-provoking and inspiring than the summer’s slew of re-makes and sequels and Angelina’s breasts. So let’s get ready for another round of presumptuous conclusions regarding movies I haven’t seen, based only on their trailers!


Pineapple Express starring last week’s skeet James Franco and Seth Rogen in the latest Judd Apatow production. I touched on this briefly in the Franco post, but I think this one will be good for some laughs, for sure. Franco plays Rogen’s dealer, and when the two potheads witness a murder, they are forced to run from killers trying to keep them quiet. Watch the official (and not crappy YouTube) trailer here. (Out 8/8/08).

City of Ember, with Bill Murray and Tim Robbins looks like the steampunk’s answer to Stardust, as in, a sci-fi/fantasy film starring some big Hollywood names. The premise is an underground city was built to save the human race, but it relies on a generator for electricity, and the generator is failing. It looks and sounds like a mix of City of Lost Children and The Core. It could be kind of schlocky if it doesn’t have the right production value, but if you take it for what it is, it will be probably be enjoyable. I’ll definitely try to see it if only to watch Bill Murray scurry around like the Mayor of Whoville, and because I love the sound of buzzing tungsten light bulbs. (Out 10/10/08).

Burn After Reading is the latest Coen Brothers film starring Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Frances McDormand and John Malkovich. To be honest, the hype surrounding this film during it’s production in New York put me off it a little bit, in addition to the “too-good-to-be-true” cast. Also, this looks like the most outrightly comedic effort of the Coen Brothers since The Big Lebowski, and I’m not sure what to make of it. Pitt and McDormand play gym employees who come across a CD of confidential CIA files and then try to blackmail Malkovich for a cash reward. What follows from there… I’m not really sure. It looks funny though. I’m just putting my trust in the Coen Brothers because they haven’t failed me yet. (Out 9/12/08).

Vicky Cristina Barcelona, starring Javier Bardem, Penelope Cruz, Scarlett Johansson, and some brunette. Based on the trailer for this film, I gather it’s about two women who go on vacation to Barcelona where they meet Javier Bardem who is an artist. Then they go to stay at this place where they all are latin lovers together. Then Bardem’s ex-girlfriend (who tried to kill him in a very stabby way, and played by Penelope Cruz) also comes back to live with him, and the main concern for all these women is to make Bardem happy and fulfill is sexual needs, including a scene where Cruz and Johansson make out. Maybe I’m missing something or that trailer was as cheesy and unrealistic as I think it was, but this looks like possibly the worst film ever. Oh, and the tagline is, “Life is the Ultimate Work of Art.” Barf. (Out 8/15/08).

The Accidental Husband, starring Uma Thurman and Colin Firth, and some dude I never heard of and isn’t even really attractive. This film is such a mess, the plot synopsis and trailer don’t even make sense. Uma Thurman plays a radio “love doctor” and her advice screws up this firefighter’s life, and then, the firefighter and some kid use the internet to make the love doctor already married to her fiancee? Or the firefighter?And then somehow the love doctor and firefighter meet, and fall in love. What the hell? The writer’s strike is over guys, what’s your excuse? I like Uma Thurman, but she keeps making horrible decisions (My Super Ex-Girlfriend, barf) and I’m losing respect for her. Granted this is a “romantic comedy”, which is a genre that inherently sucks (Made of Honor, barf again), but this looks extra awful. Chocked full of cheesy moments and over-the-top writing/acting, and not even really funny, this one should probably never see the light of day. (Out 8/22/08).

Righteous Kill, with Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro. Now before I get beaten to death for putting a DeNiro film on the “Bad” list, hear me out. The premise of this film is two old cops who should be retiring, but of course don’t want to, are trying to catch a serial killer that is killing criminals, and the murders are strikingly similar to a case they solved years before. Yawn. We all know DeNiro is a legend. Even if this movie is crap as I suspect, it won’t be his fault, and his status as a hero will not be affected. Does Al Pacino ever play anything other than a cop or mafioso? And why doesn’t he ever take off that leather mask? Oh wait, that’s his face. Zing! Gotcha Pacino. Too much nicotine and time in the sun. Also, “hip-hop superstar Curtis Jackson” is in this film, from acclaimed film Get Rich or Die Tryin’. Yeah, that’s right, 50 Cent. Need I say more? (Out 9/12/08).


Stepbrothers starring Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly is about two grown men who become stepbrothers when their parents get married. Sooo the fact that they state this film is “From the guys who brought you Talladega Nights” in the trailer isn’t especially convincing in making me want to see it. Along with the fact that every WIll Ferrell movie from the past five years has been a stupid one-joke concept film, and this could very easily be another one of those. For some reason, these two adults both live at home with their parents and act like 10-year olds. Some parts of the trailer are funny, but I worry those may be the only funny parts and that the comedy in their juvenile actions may run thin pretty quickly. I don’t think I’ll  bother to check it out in theaters, but maybe the DVD release? (Out 7/25/08).


Entry filed under: Alison, Aspect Fellatio. Tags: , , .

Obsession: Flight of the Conchords Damian Kulash, Milk and Honey

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. parkrangerolivia  |  July 18, 2008 at 2:08 pm

    “And why doesn’t he ever take off that leather mask? Oh wait, that’s his face. Zing! Gotcha Pacino. ”

    That should be America’s new favorite board game:
    “Gotcha Pacino! TM”, from the makers of Boggle and Parcheesi.

    Definitely the funniest movie forecast yet!

  • 2. parkrangerolivia  |  July 20, 2008 at 5:02 pm

    Batman = definitely worth the money, if just for Heath Ledger’s performance.


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