Chipotle’s Fat Ass Burrito

July 8, 2008 at 10:41 pm 8 comments


I’ll be the first one to tell you that when’re you’re exhausted and hungry to the point of dumbness, the best place to get a rich, energy-socking meal is at Chipotle.

I’ve eaten there several times over the course of the year and I’ve decided I like it. It’s the perfect place to get a meal when you’re drained after a 5 hour session of editing, for instance, or a after a day of Tisch classes which keep you until 10pm, or after a track meet, or a film shoot (I’ve actually ordered 18 burritos in a row for a shoot and watched the workers wrap all 18 of them at once)…

The only downside to eating at Chipotle is that when I eat there as a lone diner (do it a lot in NYC), the atmospheric conditions of the restaurant make me feel like a fat ass (which don’t get me wrong I am) but it’s not like Chipotle is doing much to dissuade these fat ass feelings.

When I’ve gone to eat there, I see a lot of big, sloppy comic store guys eating the same thing that I’ve ordered so either I’m fucked and going to turn into a gooey comic store clerk or maybe by some luck of fate, I’ll get away with it. 

Like most American fast food chains, Chipotle has recently added a drop menu next to the menu at the cash register, which shows customers the number of calories in every meal item…Certainly, I realize that I’m in for a high calorie meal at Chipotle, but come on-  Do we really want to know exact figures!?

When  I’m ready to order my usual, I look up to see next to the burrito entrée that the calorie count is between 400-1,000. Usually, I won’t care, but since they put a calorie ticker there, I go through a process of subtractive reasoning. It’s like okay, I want to consume less calories to feel comfortably full and energetic as opposed to consuming more calories too feel pregnant and tired. I suppose the burritos with the cheese and the meat are in the 1,000 calorie range, but I need more then the veg option so I’ll skip the burrito.  I continue to scroll down the menu, and see that a tostado salad is calorically much less than the burrito. I order that. But, OK, the tostado salad isn’t going to be enough to satiate me so I get chips (which, by the way, SUPRISE SUPRISE are higher in calories than the burritos). Basically, by skipping the food you want to order, you’re buying more! They give me my chips, meal, and fountain drink, (of course how could I turn down free refills) on this HUGE metal tray that looks like it could carry a calf’s head. 

 Here you go, enjoy your meal fat ass and don’t forget to look at yourself while eating it. I say this because the windows in Chipotle are not transparent. They are reflective. So if you choose to sit by the window seat, you see half the street scene, and half of YOU! As you MAKE OUT with a  burrito. 

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m going to stop going to Chipotle,  I’m knocking the marketing. The moral of this story is, don’t let the calorie ticker mess with your head because if you do, you’ll end up spending more money, buying more items, eating more calories, and not getting what you wanted to order in the first place!


Entry filed under: Katie, Miscellaneous Musings. Tags: , .

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8 Comments Add your own

  • 1. parkrangerolivia  |  July 8, 2008 at 11:32 pm

    hear hear! calorie counting NEVER works.

  • 2. alisaurus  |  July 9, 2008 at 8:58 am

    if it’s any consolation, they recently put calorie info next to all the food in Cosi and the figures aren’t that much different for a supposedly healthy sandwich and salad place.

  • 3. seph  |  July 9, 2008 at 8:14 pm

    That’s totally lame. I get really (and probably somewhat irrationally) annoyed when foods/restaurants display their calorie count everywhere.

    Happens at the gym, too… most machines are automatically set to show how many calories you’ve burned off so far. Luckily the ones I use have an option of displaying ‘mets’ instead. I don’t know what mets are, and I don’t want to know.

  • 4. neekaps  |  July 9, 2008 at 9:39 pm

    you bring up a good point,
    how accurate can those machines be?
    I bet this is how they work:
    so when you get on a machine, it asks you to enter your weight and age. So in the computer of the machine, it probably contains some data that’s congruent with the weight you entered and your age. Like at this weight and age, the average man or woman (wait, but it doesn’t ask for sex), burns this many calories at this speed, or at this incline, and if that speed is increased by 10 percent they burn calories at a 3rd of the rate….
    It just makes no sense.
    And I bet everyone loses heat energy differently so can’t trust any machine…..

  • 5. seph  |  July 9, 2008 at 11:13 pm

    That’s true. And the amount will be affected by what else you’ve eaten that day, your muscle/fat ratio, how fit you are, whether you’re running off fat or sugar energy, how cold the room is….

    totally insane.

    And then there’s the assumption that you can’t be on the machine for any other reason than to burn calories. You can’t possibly be there get physically fit or because exercise just makes you feel good.

  • 6. neekaps  |  July 10, 2008 at 2:21 am

    Thread for Seph:
    I agree.. Fuck the calorie. No one even knows what a calorie means.
    The only reason I exercise is because I like to exercise.
    Thanks for reading googly-eyes.

  • 7. Tim Cameron  |  July 12, 2008 at 6:04 am

    Ohhh ohhh! I know this! A calorie is the amount of energy required to raise the temperature of a gram of water by 1 degree!

    I can’t believe I finally got to tell someone this. I will walk around with a beatific cultist smile for the rest of the day.

    Also, choosing meals based purely on calories is insane. You can have a high calorie meal that is very good for you, or a low-cal one that contains so many additives that your body has a panic attack. It’s better just to use your common sense.

  • 8. Tim Cameron  |  July 12, 2008 at 6:05 am

    And obviously, my common sense tells me that burritos are SHIT-AWESOME.


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