June 13, 2008 at 3:29 pm 4 comments

So it seems like summer should be a care-free time to lay in the sun, hit amusement parks, and swim at the beach. Or that’s how I remember it, as a kid with nothing to do during that break from school and no financial worries or responsibilities (or even knowledge of what the word “financial” meant.) But now we’re all grown up, and “summer = freedom” does not compute, because summer is expensive as shit, and here are some reasons why.

1) Air conditioning. Yeah, energy prices are up, up, up, but I’m not going to talk about this or dwell on it because it’s as boring as it is depressing. And there’s not a damn thing we can do about it, unless you want to sit in your apartment with a palm leaf, fanning yourself and still sweating like a pig. I’m dreading my Con Ed bill like that pelvic exam I still have not scheduled.

2) Laundry. Washing clothes in Manhattan ain’t cheap, since almost no one has their own washer and dryer (shut up Olivia.) It’s hot as hell outside, and that means, more sweating. And I may be broke, but not broke enough to walk around smelling like a stanky pit. I refuse to wear a shirt more than once after I’ve sweated in it, that’s just a rule. Pit stains are never in fashion, right Carrie and Miranda?!

3) Waxing/Shaving. Summer’s warm weather means more skin ladies, and shaving a lot more often than we did in winter (costly because you have to buy shaving gel/cream, and blades, which are kind of expensive). And this is the time of year to say hello to waxing, anything and everything, that might ever possibly become visible in a bikini. Adventurous gals may also be dropping cash on some exciting Betty pube dye. (Almost as scary as that Con Ed bill.)

4) Mani/Pedi. This is optional, and I myself prefer to do them at home. However, all this sandal-wearing I’ve been doing makes a professional one pretty tempting. The good news is, you can find them cheap, sometimes getting both for around $20.

5) Traveling. If you want to go anywhere, prepare to have your wallet raped, because going places is pricey. Higher gas prices not only suck for people driving cars, but for flying too. Airlines are jacking up their fares, not only because this is when everyone wants to get the hell out of the inferno that is New York, but because of this damn oil crisis, or whatever it is. Damn you, oil crisis!! Unfortunately, we could not bike to Miami.

6) Sunscreen. Is anyone else baffled as to why many sunscreens cost about $8-10 a bottle? Are they grinding up diamonds and putting it in this stuff? Helioplex, Avoplex, Angioplasty. What the hell is this stuff? I think it’s obvious that companies are fabricating ingredients to sell their products, but damn them, it’s working! Regardless of the price and fictional ingredient list, you need to wear sunscreen, or you’ll end up looking like Al Pacino when you’re 35.

So for anyone who values a positive appearance and maintains good personal hygiene, summer is going to kick your ass financially. (For everyone else, enjoy hanging out by your stank self with your hairy legs and hot apartments.) I guess we can kind of let it slide though, in the name of being able to go outside in flip-flops and T-shirts, bask in the sun in Central Park, and maybe get some time off work to go swimming at the community pool (and show off that wax! Yeah!) Theoretically, you might be saving money on tanning (if you go tanning, you sicko) or on therapy for your Seasonal Depression by just spending time in the real sun, and soaking up that Vitamin D, so let’s just call it even.

P.S. – Happy Friday the 13th!


Entry filed under: Alison, Miscellaneous Musings. Tags: , , , .

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4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Betty  |  June 13, 2008 at 9:46 pm

    I’ve got to say if your biggest expenses are air conditioning, bikini waxes, and manicures, you’re not doing too badly!

    I’ll take my sauna of an apartment, thank you very much!

  • 2. parkrangerolivia  |  June 13, 2008 at 9:53 pm

    I vote we have a poor-as-hell spa day, with 99 cent nail polish, homemade face masks, tin-foil tanning fans and last, but not least, home-made everclear.

  • 3. Betty  |  June 13, 2008 at 10:11 pm

    That sounds brilliant.

  • 4. alisaurus  |  June 14, 2008 at 10:10 am

    This post was referring to specifically summer expenses that aren’t an issue when it isn’t hot out. Obviously stuff like food and rent are always expensive. And I don’t know what everclear is. Except in reference to the 90s band.


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