Shorts Gone Wrong

June 10, 2008 at 5:58 pm 3 comments

Shorts are back, baby! Now that thanks to global warming, it’s a cool 350 degrees in Manhattan, shorts are back, if only for survival reasons. But these are not the shorts you used to know and love, classic denim or khaki. These are shorts from another planet or era; shorts gone wrong. They’re plaid, striped and polka dotted, gingham and terry. I’m sorry if you like these. Sorry because you must be blind or completely devoid of any taste whatsoever, because these things are hideous.

Plaid on its own must be handled delicately, and worn only sparingly or ironically (ex., stereotypical lumberjack hipster, aka SLH). Or on a golf course. When mixed with a pastel color palette, plaid loses all irony and becomes classically “preppy” or in other words, just plain ugly in way that can’t be made cool even by the dirtiest and suavest of hipsters. Did the Easter Bunny take a dump all over this season’s fabric swatches? Eww soooo pink.

These shorts are appropriate if you’re going to the Yacht Club Regatta Picnic. In the late 80s. These don’t bode well either:

Gingham + high waist + shiny thin pleather belt = Yowza! Did someone say, “Sex appeal”?! Oh, no, they said, “Career woman going to the summer PTA meeting. In the late 80s,” or “Hey kids! The Hamburger Helper is ready!” And these are not the good, “American Apparel” 80s. These are the Kmart, Dress Barn, 80s and frankly, I’m scared. What’s next? Culottes? Skorts?!

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Entry filed under: Alison, Trash Talk. Tags: , , , .

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3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. parkrangerolivia  |  June 10, 2008 at 8:02 pm

    I would totally rock those to a PTA meeting. A Pretentiously Trendy Asshole meeting. With pearls.

    However, dont ever diss skorts again. (that is a THREAT.)

    Reply
  • 2. neekaps  |  June 10, 2008 at 11:03 pm

    thanks for the warning.
    HAHAH:
    Did the Easter Bunny take a dump all over this season’s fabric swatches? Eww soooo pink.

    haha regatta!

    Reply
  • 3. Betty  |  June 10, 2008 at 11:45 pm

    Seriously, I hate shorts. I would probably consider some black cotton cuffed shorts, but that is about it. Gold lamé is an acceptable alternative.

    Reply

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