Working Out is Work, Right?

May 31, 2008 at 12:06 pm 9 comments

As I sit around my boyfriend’s apartment, blogging in my underwear in front of a window with no curtains or blinds, I can’t help but feel a little depressed at being the only one on the team without a job. In fact, it’s possible that I’m the only one who graduated from NYU this month and doesn’t have a job. And not for lack of trying, mind you. I’ve applied to at least three jobs a day and been to dozens of interviews since I graduated on May 17th, but to no avail. My solution to my unparalleled amount of free time and dwindling financial resources? Join the gym. Because, if someone isn’t going to pay me to come out and work, it makes sense that I pay someone else to come and work out. $50 a month, to be exact. (It’s not a bad deal – graduates special! Thanks, Crunch, for catering to my desperate need of a way to fill time!)

I was afraid this might happen – that one day I would graduate from film school, and, gasp! No job! Hey NYU, what was all that talk about “the world is waiting for us”? Now I can only assume the “world” they spoke of was the world of food service, minimum wage retail, and malls, malls, MALLS! Looks like there aren’t hundreds of jobs just waiting to be filled by young 20-somethings who know how to load 16mm film but don’t own their own HD rig. So, I’ve always had a plan B. (By “always” I mean, since about a month ago.) Plan B, for a failed film/TV career, is to join the gym and spend all my free time being unemployed working out and getting ripped. Then, after reading some books on nutrition and anatomy, my muscularity will easily qualify me to be a personal trainer. I got this idea after watching “Work Out” on Bravo. I get all my good ideas from that channel (another, slightly more costly, Plan B is to go to culinary school and cook my way to Top Chef, winning the $100,000.)

By the laws of the universe, now that I have set a goal for myself (get in shape goddammit!) a job should fall into my lap, therefore thwarting my plan to go to the gym. This is the same law that states, when you are late for an interview your roommate is in the bathroom; if you’re wearing a short dress it WILL be windy outside; and if you’re in a hurry, you will miss your train by seconds after being slowed down by two fat people holding hands on the subway stairs or some guy trying to swipe his Bank of Wisconsin ATM card in the turnstile. I call it, the Law of Being Screwed Over. And maybe it only applies to me. Like the other day when I was playing MarioKart Wii, and I was just about to win the Rainbow Road race when I got hit by that flying blue shell, lightning, and about a dozen red shells. I mean, c’mon! … Dear God someone hire me.

And of course, I have a Plan C as well. My father’s dream: law school. This one won’t come into use until I’ve been a failure for at least three or four years, as it is incredibly desperate, and God knows, I can’t handle the paperwork. Hmm seems like that Laurence Tribe thing may be coming back to bite me in the ass… (Plan D, marry and murder a rich old man [possibly Laurence Tribe]).


Entry filed under: Alison, Miscellaneous Musings. Tags: , , , , .

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9 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Betty  |  May 31, 2008 at 12:36 pm

    I’m convinced it is always the SAME two fat people on the stairs, too. And don’t knock minimum wage retail! I think of it as a stepping stone. A stepping stone into living below the poverty line.

  • 2. alisaurus  |  May 31, 2008 at 1:31 pm

    ain’t nothing wrong with minimum wage retail or food service. or the mall. i WISH i had a job at the strand. employee discount woo wooo.

  • 3. c  |  May 31, 2008 at 1:40 pm

    I got my first job a year and a half after graduating NYU. If that cheers you up any!

  • 4. Betty  |  May 31, 2008 at 2:24 pm

    You should apply! It’s a goddamn FIFTY PERCENT discount. I’m not going to have room in my apartment for all the books I’m going to buy.

  • 5. parkrangerolivia  |  May 31, 2008 at 8:16 pm

    YO, let’s go running together sometime. You should also come play fatty soccer with us and get some fun/not demoralizing exercise!

    Also, C, that is waaay depressing. Can’t wait til it’s my turn…!

  • 6. alisaurus  |  May 31, 2008 at 10:35 pm

    running is for sillyheads with no gym membership! sha. but hey, i have a few guest passes if you ever want to come with me to crunch! and i am so in for fatty soccer. and did you see the comment on the holly kiser post?!

  • 7. parkrangerolivia  |  May 31, 2008 at 10:47 pm

    Blog by Katia:
    This was hilarious!
    don’t get ripped and join work out. Those abs make me vom

  • 8. parkrangerolivia  |  June 3, 2008 at 1:04 am

    yeah i dont really think that’s holly kiser. fatty soccer this weekend, probs.

  • 9. neekaps  |  March 3, 2009 at 4:31 pm

    I just started watching this show and its addicting and inspiring!


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