I Love A Good Trainwreck

May 23, 2008 at 12:36 pm 5 comments

It looks as though M. Night is desperately trying to get his name next to Brett Ratner’s on the list of NYU alum I’m ashamed to be associated with. I think most people enjoyed The Sixth Sense. It was well-made, and satisfyingly suspenseful. Unbreakable had its moments, although it was generally viewed as being slightly sillier than its predecessor. Signs was kind of goofy, too, although the mini-Caulkin and Joaquin Phoenix were both pretty watchable. If you did manage to suspend your disbelief, the plot unfolded in a fairly interesting way. It was only in retrospect that it becomes incredibly transparent that Shyamalan writes his scripts from the twist backward.

The Village had a pretty strong cast… and that’s really all you can say for it. The premise was hackneyed and obvious- and when the whole film relies solely on the twist, it’s pretty important that not everyone in the audience figure it out right away. I don’t even know anyone who saw Lady In The Water. I didn’t even see it, and this is someone who watched Frankie Muniz-vehicle Big Fat Liar just because Paul Giamatti was in it. (Ok, I didn’t actually see Big Fat Liar. If I had, though, it would have been for Paul Giamatti.)

Anyway, this all brings us up to his newest film. Let’s start with the tagline, shall we? “We’ve Sensed It. We’ve Seen The Signs. Now… It’s Happening.”

Why yes, that IS a desperate attempt to remind you of his better days. It’s also really awkward and sad. Let’s move on to the trailer.

So the cast is sort of promising. Mark Wahlberg is talented, Zooey Deschanel is pretty, and John Leguizamo… has been in a lot of films. The premise is kind of creepy, too. People all over the world start killing themselves, with no explanation. It’s grisly and visceral, but it might work in the right hands. Oh, yeah. Nevermind.

This extended clip, with Shyamalan’s introduction, reveals how totally in love with himself he really is. The clip of the film is pretty cringe-inducing too- stilted, awkward dialogue and pacing problems all over the place.

The worst part, though, is the actual cause of the “happening”. I’ll put it in white text if you want to avoid spoilers, but it’s so mind-numbingly idiotic that I doubt you’ll be able to resist. The cause is plants. Yes, plants. Basically, the environment is rebelling against our toxic emissions- and starts emitting toxins of its own! (man, I should have written the tagline for this). Seriously, though. They release a pheromone that causes humans to commit suicide. That’s it. All those shots of trees blowing in the wind, in the trailer? That’s supposed to be menacing.

So, there you have it. Eventually someone is going to STOP giving this guy money to make films. Until then, though, who wants to go see this with me?


Entry filed under: Aspect Fellatio, Betty, Miscellaneous Musings. Tags: , , , , , .

Padma Lakshmi’s Scar Mark Wahlberg

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Tim Cameron  |  May 23, 2008 at 2:54 pm

    That trailer has the highest number of fades-to-black I have ever seen. Seriously, it’s more than all nineteen of the ROTK endings.

    I love the one close to the end where it fades to black, fades back in to show Mark Wahlberg looking confused, and then fades to black again. THAT is drama.

  • 2. parkrangerolivia  |  May 23, 2008 at 4:07 pm

    I too, love Mark Wahlberg’s concerned face. Frankly, I am glad SOMEONE is pointing out how these honey bees are dying. This movie must have been made fast. I thought it was from cellphone towers, and not awful government conspiracies. but you never know..

    But hey, i’m always down for a good time and a bad film.

  • 3. NeeKaps  |  May 23, 2008 at 7:01 pm

    I think it looks pretty good.

    Although I agree with many of the points you made, Betty, I still really admire M. Night because he has good ideas for films (some of them turn out better than others) and he’s just a good person. He graduated from my highschool. I’ve seen him speak before.
    I was also watching when they were shooting the funeral scene with Mischa Barton in the 6th sense when I was 11….

  • 4. miranda  |  May 28, 2008 at 1:28 am

    There appears to be an event happening.

    OH MY GOD!

  • 5. alisaurus  |  May 29, 2008 at 10:39 pm

    this movie sounds more like “the crappening”. am i right?! c’mon!


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