The Horrors of Being Persian

May 8, 2008 at 6:59 pm 4 comments

Growing up in a Persian household, getting waxed was a right of passage, laser hair removal was a typical 16-year-old birthday present, and cream bleach was a household product you put next to your toilet paper.

I have gone through every hair removal process there is, from waxing, threading, plucking, lasering, cold wax, hot wax, persian wax, sugar wax, epillators, bleaching, and even creams. I have had just about everything waxed, to the point where getting naked in front of strangers has lost all necessary feelings of modesty.

It is with great pride that I have lost all feeling in these parts. After getting a brazilian, I can only imagine how easy getting a tattoo is going to be. That scene from “40 Year Old Virgin” where Steve Carrell gets the chest wax? All I could think was “What a fucking pussy.” Hell, I remember getting my lip-pierced freshman year and thinking, “Wow, this kind of tickles compared to the time they had to call in a second nurse to hold my legs down during the laser treatments!”

The reason I bring this up now is because as I type this, I am propping my arms up on surrounding pillows thanks to the horrible arm wax I just received. That’s the price I pay for going somewhere closer, as opposed to making the treck to Soho Nails. With bits of wax still clinging to my wrists, I can only warn you that expensive salons in new york city are usually the ones that fuck up the most. Give me a hole-in-the wall, crammed, curtains-for-rooms establishment and you’re sure to be properly stripped. These places can’t afford to take too much time on you, which is good. Slow waxing=more pain.

When your wax isn’t going well, instead of punching them in the face, I suggest you follow these simple guidelines to
How to Get What You Want When Being Waxed:

Cover yourself. If you’re getting your arms waxed, put a piece of sanitary paper on your knees. Same goes for your torso if you’re getting legs waxed. Ever have a clumsy asian girl accidentally spill hot wax on your stomach? No? Well if you follow my advice you won’t have to experience this.

Start with talcum power. Always ask for them to place talcum powder in the area you are getting waxed. It’ll make the wax come off cleaner, and gets rid of any excess oil.

Don’t be afraid to nitpick Always point out if they missed a spot. Don’t be worried about being a bitch, because walking around with bits of wax stuck to you is the most uncomfortable thing in the world if you know you can’t shower soon. So give them some lip- sometimes they just honestly missed it.

Always ask for baby-oil/cream Once you’re done, always ask for something to quell the red bumps and inevitable swelling that will follow.
Lastly– If none of these steps were followed, don’t be afraid to be a bitch and not leave a tip. You have standards, and today’s overpriced rates are absurd anyway. Besides, it’s not like you’ll see them again.


Entry filed under: Miscellaneous Musings, Olivia. Tags: , .

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4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. alisaurus  |  May 8, 2008 at 8:13 pm

    if you’re ever on the west side, i recommend randee elaine on 7th ave near 11th. i’ve gotten waxes there and even had my eyebrows dyed back when i was a redhead. it’s cheap and staffed with russian/ukranian immigrants, but they definitely know what they’re doing and are really nice. and there are coupons online for extra savings!

  • 2. neekaps  |  May 8, 2008 at 10:23 pm

    I learned a lot from reading this.
    I want to get my legs waxed and a brazilian this summer so I never have shave…
    I hate having to shave every time I go run or do anything active.

    Yes, I’ve heard that midtown waxing is the cheapest.

  • 3. googlyeyed  |  May 8, 2008 at 10:49 pm

    oo yes, randee elaine is definitely good. their rooms are charmingly tiny.

    if you hate shaving, start moisturizing a LOT more this summer. it’ll make the hair grow less, which means you dont have to bust out that razor as often.

  • 4. bettytron  |  May 9, 2008 at 1:16 pm

    Oh god. I am too much of a wimp to want to get waxed except for VERY special occasions. I’ll just claim it’s because I’m a feminist, though.


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