Correction: NYU is Lamer Than Predicted

May 7, 2008 at 1:08 am 3 comments

Remember that post where we speculated the NYU Class of 2008 Commencement Speaker would be Michael J. Fox? Well, that was more than we could’ve hoped for. Turns out Michael J. Fox is just receiving an honorary doctoral at the ceremony, and the real Commencement Speaker will be Harvard Law professor Laurence Tribe, according to Washington Square News. Um, what the fuck? Who? This is the lamest thing I’ve ever heard. What is this, some kind of scholarly institution? Anyone who poo-pooed the idea of Mikey J. speaking, please kiss my pinky ring in apology, because this is astronomically worse than any celebrity… even the lowest of the low, even David Spade.

For starters, I’m not a law student. I don’t have diddly to do with the law school and I likes it that way. This man, who presumably no one has heard of or gives a shit about, not counting law students, is gonna get up and talk about his experiences at Harvard which is just soooooo great and boy, if we had all gone to Harvard instead of being liberal arts-studying hippies, well, we’d be on our way to boring the hell out of a bunch of college seniors when we’re 60. So he wrote some books and was on some news shows. So what? Who hasn’t? I wrote five books this week already. And if I wanted to waste three hours of my life being unbearably bored, I’d… well, go to an NYU Commencement. Touche, NYU, touche… So thanks for choosing a commencement speaker that we all enjoy. Every law-studying one of us. Oh wait, did I say we all enjoy? I meant like 1 out of 500*.

This news made me want to weep like every other piece of news from NYU has made me want to weep: copiously, and while choking someone. Like when they tried to make me live in that tenement asylum known as 26th Street, or moved graduation from Washington Square Park to Yankee Stadium, or closed Upstein early on Friday for Shabbat. Why NYU?! Whyyyyyyy??!

*Not an actual figure. Even law students get bored. And I’m not sure they even attend this ceremony. Grand!


Entry filed under: Additional Reading, Alison, News and Boos. Tags: , , .

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3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Jason Elder  |  May 7, 2008 at 1:34 am

    Excellent Blog. I’ve been reading along and just wanted to say hi. I will be reading more of your posts in the future.

    – Jason.

  • 2. Olivia  |  May 7, 2008 at 11:09 am

    Now I don’t feel so bad about not seeing ya’ll graduate. I suggest you bring an iPod to hide under your cap and gown.

  • 3. Jen  |  May 15, 2008 at 10:41 am

    Michael J. Fox declined to speak. He was the first choice.


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