April 26, 2008 at 10:11 am 8 comments

So for anyone graduating from NYU this May, you’re probably pissed that there’s still been no announcement about who the freakin’ commencement speakers are. (Only adding to how pissed you are that we can’t graduate in Washington Square Park, and instead will be enjoying the legendarily classy [peanut shells anyone?] atmosphere and of Yankee Stadium. Yay academics.) But hark! I have word, from a source, on who the speakers are. This source may not be particularly reliable, livejournal not being a trusted journalistic outlet, but it’s all I’ve got so let’s start some rumors.

NYU Speaker: Michael J. Fox

Back to the Future? Hell yes! Maybe he’ll give us all some advice about how to rig a DeLorean to allow us to go back in time and go to a college that won’t leave us unemployed after four years and roughly $200,000 of our parents’ money. (Sorry Mom and Dad.) Parkinson’s be damned! This man is a hero. And also, The Frighteners is possibly one of the best pieces of horror/comedy cinema of my generation. If we had been born in the 70s, Mikey J would definitely be in our pink glittery Skeet Diary with gold-painted lock and key. You can also check out our glorious speaker in Teen Wolf, Back to the Future II and III, and a few episodes of “Boston Legal”. God bless you Michael J.

Tisch Speaker: Amy Heckerling

If you don’t know who she is, she’s a big name in the world of female comedy writing and directing, and was getting laughs and kicking ass before Tina Fey made it cool (I love you Tina). She brought us Clueless, hello?! And I mean that sincerely, because that movie is fucking awesome and it also brought us Paul Rudd’s big-screen debut, though honestly, I don’t think any of us believe him as the nerdy and undesirable step-brother. He was and still is hot. God bless you too, Amy. Amy’s other credits? Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Look Who’s Talking (you laughed at that, don’t deny it), A Night At The Roxbury (that one’s your fault, Lorne Michaels) and an episode of our best friend on TV, “The Office.” Another reason to respect Amy? She’s a female filmmaker who isn’t Sofia Coppola. And I bet you thought there weren’t any. Finally the women in film and comedy are representin’ (at NYU’s commencement).

So let’s hope my source was correct in their statement of the speakers, or it turns out to be even cooler people (if there are any) and I’m not liable for heresay. And trust that if I had pulled this whole thing out of my ass, I would’ve made up crazy people for it to be, like Leonard Nimoy or Tori Spelling or Chris Farley or some shit. I don’t know if the other schools like Stern or Gallatin get speakers, and honestly don’t care because I’m not in them. Fair and balanced we is.


Entry filed under: Alison, News and Boos. Tags: , , , , , .

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8 Comments Add your own

  • 1. bettytron  |  April 26, 2008 at 12:39 pm

    I can confirm Amy Heckerling, although I haven’t heard anything about Michael J. Fox. The only thing I’ve seen by her is Look Who’s Talking Too.

  • 2. parkrangerolivia  |  April 26, 2008 at 4:50 pm

    What the hell kind of words of wisdom does Michael J Fox have to offer? I personally feel Doc Brown would have been more appropriate.

  • 3. alisaurus  |  April 26, 2008 at 5:15 pm

    You haven’t seen Clueless Betty? Are you mad? And Olivia, I’m just glad the speaker isn’t Alan Greenspan or someone completely lame as I expected. And who uses “words of wisdom” from their commencement anyway. My word of wisdom: get a job.

  • 4. parkrangerolivia  |  April 26, 2008 at 10:34 pm

    Alright Betty, we are seriously watching clueless when you get back. And Alison, I guess I’m still just scarred from when Tom Shadyack (director of Ace Ventura), told us all to thank our parents for having sex at my class’s graduations speech. After all, without them “boning”, we wouldn’t be here now.

  • 5. alisaurus  |  April 27, 2008 at 12:12 pm

    haha i don’t think my graduating class in high school even had a speaker, apart from the assistant principal who bore an upsetting resemblance to that monster from goonies.

  • 6. NeeKaps  |  April 27, 2008 at 3:43 pm

    I want to be a supermodel, so my hair will shine like the seaaa

  • 7. bettytron  |  April 28, 2008 at 7:08 pm

    Our assistant principal looked like Dr. Robotnik, and our best speech started out with a quote from The Lion King. Ah, high school.

  • 8. Correction: NYU is Lamer Than Predicted «  |  May 7, 2008 at 1:08 am

    […] under: Additional Reading, Alison, News and Boos | Tags: Commencement, Graduation, NYU Remember that post where we speculated the NYU Class of 2008 Commencement Speaker would be Michael J. Fox? Well, that was more than we could’ve hoped for. Turns out Michael J. Fox is just receiving […]


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